


Tinker Taylor Soldier Sailor

by makesometime



Series: The Continuing Adventures of Alicia Washington and the Taylor Brothers [8]
Category: Avatar (2009), Terra Nova (TV)
Genre: Brothers, Double Penetration, F/M, Mile High Club, Possessive Behavior, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-06 18:37:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesometime/pseuds/makesometime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All signs pointed to a spectacular confrontation approaching, should all of their passive aggressive posturing actually turn to words of anger, spite and regret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tinker Taylor Soldier Sailor

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [Taylor Made](http://archiveofourown.org/works/420127). Really quite necessary to read that one first.

The first months of their arrangement worked particularly well, considering... well, everything. Three hard-headed military personnel compromising in a way that was so very different to anything they could ever have planned for was, to put it simply, a challenge. Despite the very obvious benefits.

She was more relaxed, hell, they were _all_ more relaxed than they had been in years. She felt cherished beyond anything she ever thought possible, having these two men worship her body on a regular basis.

(She swore she had more orgasms in one week sometimes than in the rest of her life combined.)

But the competition never really went away; the reminder that yes, she was involved with two men at the same time, so very different but so very much the same. (Whether these similarities made it better or worse was still something she was working on determining.)

Her time spent with them was done so individually for the most part but they did frequently return to their actions on the night that changed everything and indulge in her body at the same time. She loved those moments the most, found that her favourite place in the world to be was cradled atop Miles' broad chest with him rocking into her slowly, while Nathaniel mounted the pair of them and shook them with the force of his thrusts.

At first she was expecting Nathaniel to be less secure, more possessive, less ready to share her with the man who had her first. That behaviour didn't come.

At first.

##

It happened slowly.

After several months with no indication that there were issues brewing under the surface, Nathaniel began to insist – with actions if not words – that he was always in front, or on top, when they both penetrated her. To be able to see her face and share her sighs and moans and kisses.

On days where she managed to engineer them both being around, managed to get them both in one place at the same time and dared entertain the thought of a night finding release between the two of them, he would callously relegate Miles to watching as he took her, or she took him, allowing her to only relieve Miles with mouth and hands.

It was an insult that she wondered why Miles bore. It was an action that she herself abhorred. Such a blatant withholding of the agreement between them for the purposes of possession, power, lust.

But when the night after such an occurrence Nathaniel was completely different, allowing her and Miles full access to each other while he observed silently from afar, she was forced to consider if these moments were enough for the younger brother.

She knew – suspected? no, knew – Miles wasn't exclusively hers and she would _never_ demand it of him; was it this that made his brother's nature easier to bear?

Yet she also knew that Miles was feeling more deeply than he'd ever allowed himself to plan on. And the very same was true of her; gone were the hero-worship emotions of her younger days, replaced by an appreciation of the man he'd turned into. So different to her and yet so very much the same.

All signs pointed to a spectacular confrontation approaching, should all of their passive aggressive posturing actually turn to words of anger, spite and regret.

Deep down, Alicia knew she should pre-empt this; knew that her selfish desire to keep blindly fumbling on through the bad times and cling to the good could do nothing other than blow up in her face.

It was a simple truth that, for now, it was easier to be a coward.

##

Nathaniel knew that she went to Miles when he was OTG, that she found comfort from the worry in his brother's arms. It was something that no one questioned.

Until the day he came home early.

#

Alicia bit the back of her hand to stifle her groan, smiling against her skin when Miles grunted in annoyance, the grip of his fingers tightening on her hips.

"Come on." He goaded, hips snapping hard against her. He might not be able to see her face but he could still read her mind, see her thoughts. Know her game. "Don't."

She peeled her mouth away from her skin, tipping her head to one side so her hair slid and revealed her face to him, revealed her flushed cheeks and her wide smile. "Don't what?"

He moved a hand around to her stomach and lifted until she was at a sharper angle; he thrust and her breath hitched. "Don't hold back."

She laughed, pushing back against his next intrusion. "Who says I'm holding back?"

He laughed now too, a low rumble that shot straight through her, making her back arch. "Normally screaming by now, lieutenant."

She hummed, the corner of her mouth pulling up into a smirk. "Better try harder, sir."

His face contorted into something between amusement and irritation as he upped his pace, the bed creaking slightly with the force of his movements. She grinned to herself, clenching her muscles around him as he withdrew; this prompted the relocation of his hand to between her folds and when his fingers teased over her clit she let her head drop down to the covers, a moan escaping unbidden.

"That's more like it." Miles crowed, punctuated with a pinch of her bundle of nerves.

The opening of her front door was barely recognisable over the sounds of their exertions; her sighs, his groans and the sound of skin on skin masked the initial indication that someone else was in the unit. But the sound of feet moving through her quarters was unmistakable, as was the way Miles's hips moved faster, his hands gripped firmer. His entire demeanour changed in a second, from playful to his own form of possession, knowing his brother was approaching, determined to make her break.

Nathaniel appeared in the doorway and Miles pressed hard against her clit when she looked up to see him. The older brother's face was blank as he watched – in the past when he'd found them like this, started without him, he had been amused, eager to join; not now.

Alicia felt herself falling, forced her eyes to Nathaniel as she hurtled over the edge of her orgasm, not allowing him to make her feel ashamed of something he had willingly agreed to. Miles followed with a roar that sounded a little too like triumph, the hands on her hips becoming controlling.

Miles pulled out of her and squeezed her ass mockingly and she wanted to kick him for being so idiotically childish. She pushed herself up to sit back on her heels and just watched Nathaniel as he stared her down, seeing the way she willingly exposed herself to his gaze, nothing to hide.

She almost expected an outburst, a display of the fiery temper she knew he had, knew he resisted. Instead he walked over to her slowly, grasped her chin and kissed her, hard. She whimpered under his lips, clutching at his armour-covered shoulders as he plundered her mouth, irritated by her own display of supplication and yet so glad to have him back unharmed.

He broke his lips' hold on hers and pressed them to her forehead – she ignored the fact that this would allow him to look at his brother over her head and instead took it in the loving, reassuring way it should have been intended, would have been intended, in the past.

Then he turned on his heel and left her bedroom, never acknowledging either of them with words.

If he had ripped out her heart and crushed it beneath his boot in front of her she suspected it would have hurt less.

##

Another month passed, that night was steadfastly ignored (dangerous, she knew, very dangerous) and they moved back into a regular pattern of behaviour. Their downtime was spent together again after a couple of weeks; she didn't feel like she was being used as a bargaining chip at the very same time as she did.

She countered this by spending a significant amount of time alone, exploring her emotions, trying to make sense of everything and finding the key to it all stubbornly just out of reach. She needed a kick, a jolt, an event to grab her by the collar and say _'this is it, this is the moment_ ' and help her understand.

"I invited Miles over tonight." Alicia said, almost without thought, as she stacked plates back into the cupboard after dinner in her quarters.

She heard a non-committal grunt from behind her and turned to see Nathaniel leaning against the counter, watching her every move.

"What's wrong?" She asked. When he simply shook his head she put down the glasses she had just picked up and narrowed her eyes at him. "No, seriously. What's wrong? Something's been eating at you for weeks now."

He shrugged. "Nothing's wrong."

"Bullshit, Nathaniel." Alicia growled, leaning her hands on the opposite side of the counter and glowering at him. "Don't lie to me, that's not fair. We don't lie to each other."

"I'm not lying to you." He said, looking down at the wooden surface.

Alicia threw her hands up in defeat, stalking away from him before whirling back around. She wasn't going to take this, not any longer. "Tell me, now."

He looked up at her demand, eyes flashing with irritation. "Nothing's wrong, Lieutenant!" He shouted.

His eyes widened instantly when he realised he'd over-stepped the most basic of boundaries they'd established in their relationship – no ranks in private. She felt her face fall in response and his once-hard eyes softened in response to her disappointment.

He took a deep breath, walking away from her and then returning to the counter, rubbing a hand over his face. He leant heavily on his elbows as he tried again. "Tell me you've not noticed that he's falling in love with you."

Alicia bit her lip, weighing the responses she knew she _could_ make, versus the ones she knew she _should_. She leant on the counter also, clasped hands inches from his own. "I can't do that."

His head bowed, nodding slowly. "No, I thought as much."

"It doesn't change how I feel about you."

He scoffed, looking skywards in desperation. "How can it _not_?"

"Because I loved you first. I've loved you for twenty goddamn years and I have been patient, Nathaniel, I have waited _so long_ for you to love me back. And you did - you do! I would be a _fool_ to let anything change the way I feel about you, or the way you feel about me."

He watched her carefully for a moment, before spreading his hands wide. "None of that has an effect on how Miles is feeling. Do you love him too?"

She smiled sadly. "I would be lying if I said no. But everything in this entire brand new beautiful world of ours pales in comparison to the strength of my love for you."

Nathaniel was silent long enough for her to feel the desire to shift uneasily under his gaze. "Still doesn't seem to be enough though, does it?" He fixed her with an honest, almost sad expression. "Maybe I'm being possessive here, but tell me - wouldn't you be?"

His words hit her as effectively as any punch he had ever landed during their sparring sessions. Here it was, here was her moment, the one she had so desired and now desperately wished she had never hoped for.

Of course she would be possessive. _Of course._ Never in a million years could she ever expect to claim otherwise. And, knowing the man she'd fallen in love with, she should have been prepared for this far more than she stupidly was – her life was never sunshine and roses for long, and a few fantastic nights was not going to be a catalyst for that to change.

She was about to speak when a light knock sounded from the door and she grimaced. At least he hadn't arrived a few minutes earlier, she thought, grasping at the positives (of which there were too damn few).

She opened the door with a heavy heart, immediately feeling guilty when the sight of the man on the doorstep made it lift once more. She grinned and leaned against the wood. "Hey."

"Evening." He said, walking through the entrance and sliding an arm around her waist, turning her and using her body to shut the door behind him. He pressed her up against the wood with his own heavy frame and proceeded to kiss her until she felt dizzy.

For them, it was pretty tame, no teeth, no grinding against each other desperately, no roaming hands. Just a kiss.

It somehow made things about a hundred times worse.

Nathaniel appeared far more himself when they broke apart, standing at the counter with three glasses of alcohol in front of him. Miles made a noise of appreciation and swiped the bottle from under his brother's nose. "Nice stuff."

"Been saving it." Nathaniel admitted. "Thought we could remember the good times tonight."

Alicia's heart (her poor little heart) sank again when she recognised the brand of alcohol. Ayani's favourite. She searched Nathaniel's face and eyes for melancholy or depression and found it notably absent – either she was losing her ability to read him or he was genuinely willing to spend the evening revisiting his memories, painful or not.

When he smiled at her and there was genuinely nothing in his expression to indicate cause for alarm she shoved her inner demons to one side and took his hand when it was offered. He seated himself at one end of the couch and extended his arm along the back in invitation for her to sit alongside him. She did so, leaning back into his hold and putting her feet up along the length of the couch as his arm curled around under her breasts. Miles promptly lifted her legs and slipped under them, resting her feet in his lap. She felt the curve of Nathaniel's smile against the back of her head and squeezed the hand on her waist tightly as she raised her glass.

"To absent friends." She said. The brothers shared a look, a nod and a smile; then echoed her sentiment.

#

One of the first things she learnt to be a universal truth about Taylor men was that they were good with their hands.

This knowledge might have come directly from her tryst with Miles but it was only reinforced by his brother. Pair that talent with their unsettling ability to act as if they were doing anything _but_ what they actually were and it spelt trouble for her on a regular basis.

"Remember the prototype rebreathers? The brass made some of the First Recon boys fucking guinea pigs." Miles laughed.

While running his fingertips slowly over the sole of her foot.

Nathaniel's free hand pointed at his brother over her shoulder as he laughed at the memory also. "The original filter took up half a damn pack!" He added.

While stroking the hand that had been happily sitting on her waist steadily up and down her side.

Alicia fought the fog of pleasurable sensations and good liquor as best as she could. She slid down a little so that Nathaniel's hand would stray higher on her side and her foot would push back harder against Miles's questing fingers. It also had the added benefit of pushing her other foot more firmly against his lap and she took full advantage, rubbing the ball of her foot over the fly of his fatigues lazily.

She didn't consider herself to be particularly ticklish, but when Miles's fingers pressed hard against the perfect spot on her foot in retaliation she couldn't suppress a shudder, heading lolling back against Nathaniel's chest.

"Never been more glad to be military when the domes started going up. Imagine wearing one of them every damn day." Miles said, eyes still fixed on his brother.

"You got off easy, shipping out when you did. It got exponentially worse after you left." Nathaniel replied, appearing completely unaware ( _hah_ ) that his hand had strayed to cover her right breast entirely, kneading softly.

Oh, so they were going to play it like that were they? She downed the rest of her whisky and let the glass fall to the floor. She moved her foot more firmly against Miles's growing arousal, building up a steady rhythm. The hand that had dropped her glass circled Nathaniel's ankle, fingers searching for the scar she knew to be there. Once she found it she pressed down gently before running a nail along its length, knowing the sensitivity of the area from plenty of prior experience. She felt a minute shiver run through her lover, something anyone else would have struggled to pick up on and knew, at least, that she wasn't completely at their mercy.

"Something tells me..." Miles started, reaching down to carefully remove her foot from him. "It's time to shut the hell up."

She forced out something that might have been a verbalisation of how thankful she was at his giving up on their little game and broke away from Nathaniel's hold to crawl over to Miles, pinning him back against the opposite arm of the sofa. She completely ignored the bulging material of his fatigues and instead started on pushing up the material of his shirt, placing soft kisses on every inch of exposed skin. It was his turn to shiver, the circle complete, as she reached his upper chest and ran her tongue over one of his nipples before biting down harshly, making his hips buck up into thin air.

"Wash..." He groaned in a voice too like his brother's (she still hadn't got used to him calling her by her nickname, a strange hang-up she couldn't quite shift). She tugged his shirt up and off over willing arms and settled for silencing him with her mouth, the resulting kiss putting their earlier greeting to shame.

She'd like to say it was easy to forget, even after all this time and all the alcohol running through her veins, that the man she'd shared her life with for five years was sitting behind her, watching. Weighing the moment. Judging his next move. But it wasn't easy. It would never be easy and, really, she didn't want it to be.

In her wilder moments she liked that he watched, enjoyed (she hoped), even maybe felt jealous of whatever she was doing to Miles. Fortunately, her wilder moments didn't come very often – they were always followed by a burning guilt that took a day to shift.

More often than not it just made her nervous. It distracted her, and it distracted Miles. She'd lost count of the number of times his lips would coax her back into a kiss, his hands would lift her back into a thrusting rhythm, his eyes would meet hers and challenge the redirection of her attention. She felt guilty then too, though not so badly.

Every nerve ending fired at once when she felt the air shift behind her, indicating Nathaniel was moving. She pressed herself harder against Miles in response, reassuring him that she was fully committed to him, even as his hands grasped her sides to hold her over him. She pulled away to gasp in air and her hands trailed down his torso to his belt, one hand rubbing firmly over his clothed length as the other loosened the fastening.

It was when her hand slipped inside his zipper and through the material of his underwear that Nathaniel struck, kneeling behind her and pulling her hips sharply back into his own. She moaned, he moaned and Miles moaned when her hand tightened around him reflexively. Another circle complete.

She hated the nagging voice in her head that reminded her that circles can be broken.

##

It was a painful truth that subconsciously she had already chosen - in sleep she always turned to Nathaniel.

As fond as she was of her own space in bed, in the morning she was always curled up alongside him, head pillowed on his chest, arm slung across his torso. Her own display of possession. Even when the three of them shared a bed it would be this way, and how Miles justified it to himself was unknown to her. (She argued to herself that it was a side-effect of his sleeping method; he was always more closed off to her than Nathaniel and while unconscious this was no different. He did not welcome her embrace in quite the same way.)

One thing she was not used to these days, however, was waking alone. Perhaps, if she went to sleep alone it wasn't as surprising – though often she was joined by one or other of them during the night, making that point moot. But when, like the previous evening, she clearly remembered falling into a (slightly less than contented) sleep with the pair of them settled either side of her and was now awakening to a cold, empty bed... her mind took a moment to process the situation.

She eased herself up into a seated position in the centre of the bed, pulling the covers up to her chest as she rested her chin on her knees to think. It was not unusual for Miles to have left her bed before dawn, a particularly strong indication of his level of comfort in _anyone's_ bed for too long, even his own. It was light outside, which meant she'd missed dawn patrol herself... but that was fine, she reasoned. It was her day off, they had left her to rest – a thoughtful gesture that didn't seem out of place. And Nathaniel...

Shit.

_Shit._

She let out a heavy groan, eyes falling closed as a hand pressed to her forehead in disbelief. Nathaniel was OTG. And would be for a couple of days, a scouting mission to place their tenth outpost.

She had completely forgotten. She _never_ forgot, didn't dare, would never risk the time she didn't say goodbye being the time he didn't come back.

And she had invited Miles over on what was supposed to be their night together.

" _Shit!_ " Alicia cursed into the empty room. Figuring she was off duty and therefore perfectly entitled to give in to her childish urge to have a bit of a tantrum, she flopped backwards onto the bed, burying her face in the pillow that still smelt of him.

When she heard the crumple of plex beneath her head she shot back up, sliding a hand underneath the pillow and tugging out a note.

_Call me – N_

She immediately reached for her comm unit, selecting Nathaniel's private frequency and waiting for it to connect.

"Taylor." She heard, amongst the varying sounds of a unit in the jungle; bird song, footsteps, heavy breathing and the occasional chuckle.

She bit back the sigh of relief that built as a reflexive response to hearing his voice. A million words gathered in the forefront of her mind, none an adequate response to her ridiculous mistake. "Hi." She settled for, but it was husky, heavy with emotion that she couldn't quite verbalise.

The loudest of the footsteps stopped immediately, the rest following suit only a moment later. "Everyone take five." She heard him say, then the sounds of the soldiers finding appropriate resting places fading away into the distance as Nathaniel put some space between him and his unit. "Wash." He greeted, once he had some privacy.

"Sir. I... I don't know..." She winced, hating that her words wouldn't come. "I'm sorry."

She could see the faint smile on Nathaniel's face, one of bemusement. "Wash, it's okay."

"No! No, it's not okay!" She said, voice rising in both volume and intensity now.

"Wash... _Alicia_. Don't apologise, please." He said quietly. "I could have reminded you."

Alicia huffed out a breath. "You shouldn't have had to."

"No. That's true."

They were silent for some time, connection open as they listened to each other breathe, think. Consider the situation and their own faults in the matter.

"I'll make it up to you." Wash ventured. "When you get back." Because there was no doubt of that. He was coming back.

"Damn right you will, woman." Nathaniel replied, voice a deep, amused rumble.

Alicia laughed at this, despite herself, despite everything. "You know me, sir, never back down on a promise."

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Wash. If I hear from Guz that you were seen within a hundred feet of Command I'll take you off active duty for a week." Nathaniel said, footsteps resuming as he made his way back to the unit.

"Yes sir." Alicia smiled. "Be safe, sir."

"Always am, Wash. Always am." He said, and then he was gone.

She looked at the comm device with fond amusement; he wasn't always safe, that's why he needed her around. She reluctantly crawled out of bed and padded slowly to the bathroom, head swirling with thoughts. The mixture of sheer terror and disappointment in herself when she realised her mistake was going to take a while to shift; she'd need to linger under the shower to sort this one through.

One thing was for certain though. Without some very swift action on all their parts, they were going to fall apart as quickly as they had come together in the first place.

##

It was night-time in Terra Nova, Nathaniel was OTG and Alicia was climbing the steps to Miles's front door. So far, so normal.

If only.

She knocked and waited for him to answer. When the door opened it revealed his usually expectant expression though, in the face of her discomfort, his face fell into something resembling resignation. He knew, just as she did, that the time had come when they couldn't ignore this any longer.

"We need to talk." She said.

He nodded, stepped back to allow her entrance without a fight. "We do. Come on in."

Alicia wandered through to the living area, knowing the layout of the house by heart now. She sat carefully on the sofa, back rigidly straight, waiting for Miles to join her. When he did so he pressed a glass of whisky into her hand and she smiled at it, then at him. She raised her glass in a toast (to what she wasn't sure), which he returned without the typical sparkle in his eye.

Alicia nearly jumped when he spoke first, neither expecting speech, nor expecting it to come from _him_. "My brother is hurting." He said quietly.

Alicia's head dropped. "I know. I didn't... this wasn't supposed to happen. But looking back, it should have been blindingly obvious that it would."

"Hey, no." He said, reaching out to place a hand on her knee. "Don't blame yourself. We all went into this with open eyes."

"Yeah, it's easy to say that now." Alicia said, covering his hand with her own. "But did we? I've been incredibly selfish, Miles."

"No more so than us."

Alicia shook her head. "How can you say that?"

"Because we've both been holding on to you so tight, refusing to give you up. Like you're... like you're a piece of goddamn property, Wash. It's demeaning." He turned his palm under hers, linked their fingers. "I don't want lose you. But I'm not willing to destroy my brother in the process."

"I think a part of all of us has seen this falling down around us for weeks now. Was it just easier to ignore it?" Alicia took a deep swallow of her drink. "Have we made it worse in the long run? And, I suppose, the better question is what do we do about it now?"

Alicia watched Miles carefully as they lapsed into silent thought, an uneasy tension settling around them, winding its way into their minds and their hearts. His face, normally so impassive, showed his emotions clearly. His indecision – and his displeasure at feeling such – was written across his face, in each and every one of the lines and scars that she had come to adore.

"I could go to the new outpost." Miles ventured, his face falling expressionless once more. "Oversee operations there."

Alicia's eyes widened. He'd be miles away from the colony. Away from her. "You don't have to do that."

"Don't I?" He sipped his Scotch, eyes fixed on a point in space beyond her, refusing to meet her gaze. "Solve a lot of problems."

"At your expense!" She cried, putting her glass down for fear of spilling it. "How is that fair?"

"He loved you first, Wash." Miles said quietly. "It's not about being fair. It's about doing the right thing."

She groaned, running her hands through her hair. Taylor men were so goddamn noble. "I wouldn't _see_ you. I've got so used to spending time with you, having you near me. You know I..." She trailed off, tightening her grip on his hand. "I love you too, Miles. You know that. Just..."

"Differently." He said, finally looking at her as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "I know. I understand. Feel the same, doll."

She smiled sadly at his pet name, rubbing her thumb over his clean-shaven jaw. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Not long." He admitted, tilting his head when her face showed her displeasure at his words. "Long enough, though. Not just the first stupid idea that's come into my head."

"I hate that it's come to this."

"I'll visit." He said, kissing her knuckles once more before letting their hands drop to the sofa. "If you make it worth my while, of course."

Alicia chuckled. "Oh, naturally."

They thought the prospect over for a time, working out possibilities, strategising, attacking a planning opportunity with all of the skill they'd built over years of military service. It was a solid idea, Alicia had to admit. Didn't mean she had to like it – just that she would _really_ have to work to come up with something better, if that was even possible. She suspected not.

She cleared her throat. "I let him go OTG without saying goodbye." She said quietly, head dipped, aware she was changing the subject abruptly yet embracing the opportunity to clear difficult thoughts from her mind. "I've _never_ done that before. Never."

"Apologise when he gets back." Miles said, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.

Alicia scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Just like that?"

Miles shrugged. "Sometimes that's all it takes. With you, that's _definitely_ all it takes." She smiled sadly at him and he tugged on her hand. "Come here."

Alicia settled herself over his lap, thighs either side of his. She pressed one hand to his shoulder, used the other to cup the back of his head as she rested hers in the crook of his neck, holding herself close. His arms came around her and they just sat quietly, for a time, nestled in each other's embrace.

Eventually the nearness of him became too much to bear. When combined with her desire to forget, just for a while, for a short moment of respite from the realities of her life, her lips couldn't resist teasing along the skin of his throat. Her teeth nipped at his jaw and she felt his mouth curve into a smile.

"This takes me back." He said, running his hands up her thighs, fingertips digging in through the material of her jeans.

She raised her head, lips leaving his neck, to fix him with a curious glance. "To?"

"The Valkyrie." He prompted and she felt her cheeks heat up.

Miles Taylor, making her blush! The bastard. He didn't have to look so goddamn _pleased_ about it. The memories his two words brought back to her had an alarming clarity to them, even now.

#

Her (supposed) final night with Miles was – to coin a phrase that was both highly clichéd and would prove to be, in about five hours from when she left his room and headed back to the barracks, horribly premonitory – out of this world.

Lying wide awake at four am on her hard little cot in the ladies' dorms, it was hard not to dwell on what was done. At some point during her constant replaying of the evening's events (it was a good thing there were only two other women staying in the barracks at that time and that both were conspicuous in their absence) she must have fallen asleep, because by the time her comm device woke her, it was light outside.

She rolled over and squinted at the display, not recognising the number. Sitting up and running a hand through her hair she cleared her throat before answering. "Washington."

"Sergeant Alicia Washington?" Came an official-sounding voice (she could tell it was official, it sounded like it belonged to someone who'd rather be anywhere else).

She straightened subconsciously. "Yes sir."

"Your presence is required at landing pad three at oh-nine hundred hours." The voice intoned, same dull tones despite the oddness of the request.

Alicia frowned at the small device. Why on earth? Not exactly like she could ask, but she sure as hell wanted to. "Yes sir." She settled for, the fewer words the better.

The comm unit deactivated and she nearly rolled her eyes. Clearly, brevity was the word of the day. She ran over the layout of the barracks in her head, mapped out the time she'd need to get to the landing pad and determined she had twenty minutes to get ready and out of the dorms. Considering how long she normally had to shower this was practically a lifetime so she allowed herself to linger under the spray for a little longer than usual before pulling on her BDUs and leaving the dorms.

She arrived at the landing pad fifteen minutes early to see a Valkyrie idling on the tarmac with one Miles Taylor leaning indolently against the side of it. She couldn't fight the smile that tugged on her lips as she approached him (she _had_ thought she was never going to see him again, she figured a little pleasure was warranted) and stopped a proper distance away before saluting.

"Colonel." She greeted.

"Sergeant." He responded, standing up and returning her salute. "You got the summons okay?"

"I did sir, but I must admit to being a little confused." She said, following as he gestured towards the rear entrance of the craft.

"I need a military escort up to the ISV." He explained.

She laughed, even more puzzled. "You need someone higher ranked than a Sergeant, sir."

He held up a hand to stop her walking and turned on his heel to show her his pleased-with-himself smile. "Nowhere does it specify the rank of my escort. And besides, I'm the highest ranking officer on that piece of shit they've got orbiting up there, I can have who I damn well please."

There was a warmth spreading through her, part pride that he would request her knowing it would go on her record and make her look damn good, and part pleasure at the fact that he wanted her with him on his last flight off of Earth. This warmth was tempered by the fact that _it would go on her record_ and Nathaniel wouldn't exactly be unaware of it – or particularly unaware of why she was requested.

"You coming?" Miles asked with a lazy shrug of his shoulder in the direction of the cargo bay.

Ten minutes later had them strapped in and ready for takeoff – but also had Alicia realising that she was about to go into space with absolutely no training and the only man who she actually knew in the aircraft wouldn't be coming back down with her. As if sensing her discomfort Miles tapped her knee with his own and she smiled at him, hiding her terror behind it.

" _We ascend pretty quickly Colonel, once we're out of the atmosphere the artificial gravity will kick in and you can move around for the half hour or so it takes to get to the ISV._ " Came the voice of the pilot over the intercom. The crew were completely locked away for the duration of the flight, leaving them in relative privacy. Alicia wasn't sure yet if this was a bonus or a curse. " _Clear for takeoff_."

The flight up couldn't exactly be described as smooth but it wasn't as bad as she was expecting. When her feet started to float upwards after a minute or so she was so shocked she actually laughed, drawing a similar noise out of her companion. It wasn't something she had got used to yet and hadn't realised she would miss... until now. She looked over at him to find his expression calculating, sizing her up, judging her reactions – from the flash of arousal in his eyes she guessed she'd just confirmed she'd be up for whatever nefarious ideas he'd had when inviting her along. Damn. She was a sucker.

There was a jolt and her feet slammed down onto the metal floor, indicating the gravity had switched on.

" _ETA at the ISV is 38 minutes, Colonel. Enjoy your time in space, Sergeant_."

She laughed at this. If Miles had anything to do with it, she expected she very much would. Talk about the mile high club.

"Ever done it in a Valkyrie before?" He asked with a smirk.

Slowly undoing her restraints she stood, stretching languidly. "No. Has anyone?"

Miles remained seated, but unfastened himself too, all the while watching her movements like a hawk. "Wouldn't surprise me. Want to add to the numbers?"

"This why you asked for me?" She asked, approaching him slowly.

His face turned serious. "No. Wash..." He trailed off, unable to verbalise whatever thoughts were in his mind. "No, that's not why."

She couldn't deny the catch of her breath at his denial, knowing what he meant, knowing what he was telling her even if he couldn't find the words. This wasn't supposed to happen and it was a hell of an inconvenient time for it.

"Wasting time here." He reminded her, mask back in place as if it had never left. "Unless of course you'd rather do something else. Think there's a chess set stashed away in one of these bags."

This time she didn't hold in the roll of her eyes as she stepped closer, his hands shooting out and grabbing her hips to tug her down across his lap. He thrust up into her and she gasped at the fact that he was already ready, her head falling back as a wave of arousal flooded her. "'Bout damn time, woman." He growled, hands already working at her fly.

#

"How was the mile high club?" He teased, hands cupping her ass to pull her closer to him.

She shrugged, nipping at his lips. "Little disappointing."

"So hard to please, lieutenant." Miles said, shunting her weight to one side with a thrust of his hips, laying her down along the sofa and settling himself over her. "' _Disappointing_ ' my ass."

Alicia snickered, winding her legs around to cross just above his backside. "Not that hard. And there is _nothing_ disappointing about your ass."

He groaned, capturing her lips. "I won't miss your awful sense of humour." He said, but the way her face fell let him know the reminder of their decision had come too soon.

So he did the best thing he could in that situation and put his hands and mouth to good use, wiping the pain and confusion from their memories for as long as they could fool themselves into forgetting.

##

Nathaniel looked up from his unit's reports of the previous mission at the knock on his office door. "Miles." He smiled.

His brother shut the door behind him carefully, movements measured and careful. Restrained. "Have a minute?"

"Of course, come in." Nathaniel beckoned him forward, gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk. "Can I get you a drink?"

Miles shook his head as he seated himself. "Probably not a good idea."

Nathaniel couldn't deny the fist that had been clenched around his heart for some time now tightened at his brother's words, at their implication. "What do you need?"

"That new outpost just finished, number nine? I want to head it up." He said, the last words Nathaniel expected to hear.

"Permanently?" He frowned at Miles. "Why?"

"Does that matter?" When Nathaniel remained resolutely silent, Miles sighed. "It's necessary. We both know why."

"Does Wash know?"

Miles nodded. "She helped me make the decision. Two nights back."

Nathaniel settled back in his chair. Of course, they would have spent the night together while he was OTG. It was strange how that thought didn't pain him as much as he expected it to – he found it hard to be hurt when faced with the knowledge that the pair of them were coming up with a way to save everything in his absence. "Can't imagine she was thrilled with the idea."

"No, no she wasn't. But she understood." Miles said. "Do you?"

Nathaniel didn't reply immediately. Then he lifted one shoulder in a guarded shrug. "Not like you to give in so easily."

Miles scoffed, standing and pacing away from the desk. He whirled on his brother with a deathly glare, anger barely restrained. "You think I don't want to fight for her? I would goddamn jump at the chance."

"Then why don't you?" Nathaniel said, standing also. He knew he was baiting him, yet found himself unable to stop.

Miles's fists clenched at his side. "Because, dear brother. She'd still pick you. You know it, I know it. Hell, she knows it. It's the fucking elephant in every room we're in together and I'm sick of it."

Nathaniel felt the rebuttal building on his tongue, an instinct that was difficult to ignore. It had been such a long time since he'd felt true, bone-deep confidence in the strength of his relationship with Alicia that he was ready to deny her hold on him (and his on her) rather than rejoice in it. That had to change. Even if it meant causing his brother unimaginable pain.

He should fight him, fight the source of his turmoil, be there for his kin in any way he could. But to do so would be counterproductive to his deepest-held wishes, his love for Wash, his selfish desire to always have her to himself. To shove away a chance at that would be a concession too far, a selfless act that was frankly beyond him.

"Fine." He said, sinking into his chair, resigned to his decision, letting the datapad he'd been clutching with a tight enough grip to break fall to the desk. "I'll approve the transfer. Come by next week and we'll work on the plans."

Miles looked somewhat taken aback at the capitulation. (Perhaps he _should_ have fought harder.) "Thank you." He said quietly.

Nathaniel huffed out a humourless laugh. "Don't thank me for tearing you away from her Miles."

Miles shrugged, a jerky movement that seemed completely out of character. He turned and headed for the door. "At least it's my choice."

"Shouldn't have to make it." Nathaniel countered, slouching in his chair, considering the benefits of the bottle of alcohol to the side of the room as he stared down at his joined hands.

Miles stopped just before opening the door. "No, I shouldn't." He agreed. "But someone had to before it destroyed everything."

Nathaniel nodded a couple of times, not looking up from his hands. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Miles said, and Nathaniel knew that to be a request, not a statement. "Goodnight, brother."

Nathaniel didn't reply, knowing it wasn't needed. He just waited for the sound of the door to close before his eyes fell shut and he wiped a weary hand over them. He'd just been handed everything he wanted in one act of uncharacteristic sacrifice by his brother. Yet he couldn't bring himself to feel happy in the face of the potential destruction of his relationship with Alicia and with Miles.

In the preceding weeks, the possibilities for a satisfactory resolution had seemed non-existent but now... there must be _something_ he could do to set the situation into a permanently peaceful resolution before Miles left the colony. Much as it would pain him to admit it, given the difficulty with which he had adapted to the situation in the first place, he didn't want to be the cause for regrets, for a future of what ifs and maybes.

He'd been back from OTG for coming up on ten hours now and hadn't seen Alicia beyond her presence at the gate when he arrived home. He'd seen her pleasure at having him home, her wish to see him privately clear in her dark gaze. He could sit and ponder further alone in his office, wonder and plot aimlessly with no purpose or he could go and see her, talk it out. Stop embracing his fears, stop avoiding the hurt he expected to see on her face now that he knew the choices they'd made without him. Trust in her, as she had in him.

##

Nathaniel let himself into Alicia's quarters using the code he knew by heart and found her curled up on her sofa, piece of plex in hand. She looked up at his entrance and smiled tentatively at him.

"Hey." She said softly, clearly checking him over for fresh wounds and injuries now that he was closer to her, in her space. "How did it go?"

He frowned at he toed off his boots, having assumed Miles had acted of his own volition. "You knew?"

She nodded, putting the plex down on the coffee table. "We agreed it shouldn't be dragged out longer than necessary." Her eyes caught on something near his mouth and her eyes narrowed. "Please tell me it didn't get violent..."

Nathaniel laughed, rubbing his hand over his lip to remove the dried blood from where a stray branch had caught him. "Earlier. Got into a fight with a tree." He explained, her resulting amusement warming him thoroughly. "And no, no it was civil. As civil as it could ever be..."

Nathaniel seated himself, brushing a strand of hair out of her face and curling his fingers under her jaw, rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone slowly. "You've changed him Wash. For the better, I think."

Alicia's forehead creased even as she smiled. "You _think_?"

"I'm just not used to him being so... reasonable. Calm. It's strange. Not unwelcome." Nathaniel smiled. "It's more like when we were boys again."

Alicia leaned into his touch. "And what about you? This whole thing has changed you too. You've made sacrifices for my happiness I could never have asked of you, and you've done so without complaint."

"I love you, Alicia." He said quietly. "I would do anything you ask to keep you with me."

Alicia's eyes fell closed at his admission. "You both love me so much, so unconditionally. I haven't done anything _close_ to enough to deserve it."

Nathaniel pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You saved me after Ayani. I dare say you saved Miles after Pandora. We're the men we are in large part because of your love for us. If you don't see that that's enough to earn some devotion in return, I not entirely sure what would be."

The tension in her forehead eased under his lips and he pressed them harder to her once more before letting her sit back.

"Miles explained?" She asked, tucking her feet up under herself.

Nathaniel nodded. "You two seem to have come up with this with remarkable ease."

Alicia's eyes flashed with pain, breaking their still-tender truce. "It's not been easy, Nathaniel, don't think for one second it has." She said fiercely. "But we saw you weren't happy and neither of us could live with causing you any more pain."

"But _you_ were happy." He said.

"And that's enough for you?" Alicia implored, taking his face in her hands. "Because it's not enough for me."

Nathaniel turned his head to kiss the heel of her hand. "Yes. It's enough."

Alicia let out a little groan, surging forward and pressing her lips firmly to his. His arms came around to hold her close, not forcing, not pushing, enjoying the simple emotional contact, the likes of which they hadn't shared in too long. When she broke away from him, muttering something again about not deserving him, he pulled until she was settled across his lap, tucking her head against his shoulder as her hands curved over his chest. He marvelled, not for the first time, at the way she fit so well against him, her frame much smaller than her presence would suggest.

"I can't ignore the voice in my head telling me we've broken any chance of salvaging something between the three of us."

Nathaniel held her tighter at her quiet words, pleased that she had picked up on his thoughts without him having to verbalise anything. She wasn't looking upon Miles's decision as an end to their situation. Just... an interlude. He found himself strangely unconcerned by this knowledge, unburdened in the way he had before. "Not broken. Cracked, maybe. But certainly not beyond saving."

She nodded. "I don't want... he can't leave thinking I don't care for him. That you don't care for him."

"He won't, Wash." He said, lips meeting her temple tenderly. "But we have time; time to make sure."

Alicia hummed her agreement, pushing herself further into his hold. He thought she might be about to fall asleep when he felt her hands move to his arms, tracing up and down the musculature there.

"Woman." He warned, feeling her lips curve against the base of his neck. "What are you doing?"

"I believe I have some making up to do." She said against his skin, trailing her lips up his neck to just beneath his ear. She nipped at one of the points she knew to be particularly sensitive; grinned broadly at his resulting growl.

"You sure?" He asked, arms tightening around her in preparation.

"Mmmm." She purred, tongue tracing over the spot where her lips had been.

Her slow, seductive tone turned into a squeak when he stood and hoisted her with ease to rest against his chest, striding through to her bedroom and kicking the door closed behind him.

##

The ensuing two weeks leading up to Miles's departure from the colony were difficult, for all of them. Once word got around that the younger Taylor was leaving, the rumour mill kicked into full force. Alicia found herself followed by smug looks and not-so-hushed cruel words from some of the women. It was so far beneath anything she would allow herself to normally be bothered by but, in her currently uneasy state of mind, they weren't as easy to ignore.

So when Miles grabbed her in the middle of the marketplace and laid one on her in front of the very worst gossips in the colony, she at least left it a beat before smacking him hard around the back of the head.

The morning after their discussion, over breakfast, Nathaniel had offered to step aside for the remainder of his brother's time in the colony. She had levelled him with a cool gaze that told him exactly how transparent he was being, how little she appreciated it after their honesty with each other the previous evening. His chagrined smile had eased her annoyance and she had assured him, as carefully as possible, that she didn't want him to do so, that she wanted to spend her time with both of them, as before – just, this time, with more acceptance of the direction in which they were heading.

The final week felt almost like the first to Alicia. Nearly all of the tension had disappeared, the joy in exploring their relationship had returned. It felt all the brighter for their difficulties, she appreciated it more – they all did. She laughed again, Miles smiled again, Nathaniel teased her again. It was as if, clichéd though it may sound, the metaphorical weight on their shoulders had been lifted, the black rain cloud above their heads had been pushed away.

She wished it could always be like this while accepting, deep down, that it couldn't.

And that realisation didn't cause her distress, only served to fuel her desire to make sure they did things right from now on.

#

Alicia knew better than to plan too hard for things she really wanted to happen. They had an sad inevitability to _not_ if she did. So, while she had her ideas for Miles's final night, she didn't plan. Not strictly. (She did, however, tempt fate to place an order with one of the stallholders for some fish and barter with Boylan for some of the best vintage Terra Novan wine.)

But when nothing horrific happened, no blood was shed, no limbs broken by dinner time she allowed herself to relax, prepare. By the time she called them to her quarters she was almost ready, and the looks on their faces when they walked through the door and smelt their favourite meal being cooked... it made it all worth it.

When they ate it was almost like the old days, the _very_ old days, back in camp at the end of a harsh tour. Alcohol flowed, stories were shared and remembered. Her sides hurt from laughing by the time their plates were empty, both brothers looked flushed and happier than she'd seen in a long time.

Nathaniel stood to clear the table but she stopped him with a hand over his, linking their fingers and walking him around the table to Miles. Once there she extended her hand to him also, which he took with a wicked grin, reading her intentions in the heat of her gaze.

She pulled them through to her bedroom, sighing in both relief and satisfaction when they fell into their usual positions around her; Miles behind her, lips running along her shoulder and Nathaniel in front, hands roaming her skin, gently pulling up her top and exposing her to their gazes.

He kissed her one final time, fingertips running light circles over her breasts before stepping back, leaving her chilled and a little confused. She quirked a brow at him even as Mile's hands took advantage and slid around to rest on her stomach. Nathaniel nodded, something reassuring in his expression and she caught on, smiling at him with all the love she could express without words.

She turned in Miles's arms and didn't give him a moment to adjust before she pulled his lips to hers, plundering his mouth with her tongue. He didn't hesitate for long, arms seizing her and holding her tight to him as her hands continued to skirt over his back, under his shirt, over the scars on the side of his head.

She broke their kiss to pull his shirt over his head, his arms remaining in the air for the barest of moments before his hands were at her belt, easing her fatigues down her legs with surprisingly gentle hands. Once she was bare before him she felt Nathaniel situate himself behind her, having removed his own clothes while she embraced his brother. She mewled a little in disappointment and tipped her head back to capture his lips for just a second, groaning when he gripped her ass and squeezed to stop her getting too involved.

Miles laughed at her glazed eyes when she turned back to him; in retaliation she gripped his length through his pants and squeezed, grinning as his smile faded, mouth opening in a quiet moan. She soon rid him of the rest of his clothing, pulling herself close to his hard lines and enjoying the way they pressed against her, committing the sensation to memory.

She crawled onto the bed and beckoned him forward with a crooked finger, laughing as he pounced on her and pinned her down, hoisting her legs high around his hips and lining himself up with her. Without giving her time to prepare he thrust inside, swallowing her groan with greedy kisses. She felt the bed dip beside her, but Miles's slow, delicious rhythm stole her attention beyond that. It was only when the younger brother tipped them to the side, pulling her leg even higher against his side that she became particularly aware that Nathaniel had joined them, and recognised the intent behind his actions.

She let out a long, heady moan when Nathaniel slowly thrust into her, his hands carefully holding her hip and her curling around her side to tease the rise of her breast. They gave her a moment to adjust, as always, before withdrawing in perfect unison. Their subsequent thrust pushed her close to the edge in an instant, a gasp escaping her at the force of their movements.

It only took a couple more motions against her; with Nathaniel's mouth at the curve of her neck and Mile's lips pressed to her temple whispering words of love and affection she broke, her body going taut as her mind went blank, pleasure coursing through her every nerve ending as she prayed for it never to stop.

##

In front of the gate the next morning (strictly a little later than they should have been there, but no one was saying anything), she embraced Miles and kissed his cheek chastely, stepping back as both he and Nathaniel laughed.

"Hell no." He said, grinning. "I'm not going to see you for months - you think I'm settling for that?"

Before she even knew what was happening his arm was around her, cupping her ass and drawing her into his body as his lips crushed against her own. Stunned, her arms stayed rigid at her sides for all of a second before she clung to him, one hand fisting in his hair as the other wound around broad shoulders. They battled with teeth and tongues for far longer than was decent, especially in front of his brother and _especially_ in public, but once she gave in she couldn't let him go.

When they finally broke apart, the need to breathe overwhelming all desire to stay together, she smiled and rested her forehead against his own.

"Much better." He whispered, pressing his lips to hers tenderly, the emotion in that one skin-on-skin contact enough to make her eyes prickle with tears.

Squeezing them shut she held him tighter one last time and then relaxed, stepping out of his hold.

"Be safe." Nathaniel said, shaking his brother's hand. "Report in-."

"Every ten klicks, I know the drill." Miles interrupted. "And remember, I _know_ you brother. I might be all the way out in the sticks but if you mess up here, I will be able to tell."

Nathaniel smirked. "Got it."

"Til next year then." Miles said, walking to slip into the driver's seat of the rover. "Unless of course you can't wait - you know my comm details." He winked, then floored the vehicle out of the open gate.

Alicia watched until the cloud of dust following the convoy could no longer be seen, smiled to herself when she felt Nathaniel slip his hand into the back pocket of her fatigues. Not quite the embrace she was willing to admit she desperately needed, but close enough.

"I'd say we'll need to send someone to check up on them in a few months, wouldn't you?" He offered quietly.

Alicia's smile turned into a beam at his suggestion, his acknowledgement that this wasn't over. Just momentarily postponed, perhaps. "Are you implying that we can't trust him?"

Nathaniel laughed, hand leaving her pocket and hooking a finger into her belt loop, tugging her back towards central command. "Of course I am."

"Best do then, sir. Just to be on the safe side." Alicia agreed, falling into step with him once more as they mounted the stairs. "Might take both of us, do you think?"

"Could well do, Wash." Nathaniel replied, letting her precede him into his office. "Could well do."

##

_2149_

Jim watched as the Commander disappeared into the treeline before turning and heading up to his office. Once there, he pulled up the colony database, fully prepared to do a little research into the mole. Until, that was, the main Terra Nova map came up, with outpost nine blinking happily at him.

He had to admit he'd found it odd that he hadn't heard anything of Wash's mission to outpost nine, other than its basic existence. It was strange for him to not be fully involved in missions nowadays, especially with things the way they were. He, Wash and Taylor had become closer knit than ever before in the face of the traitor; they would have had to make a concerted effort to keep him out of her mission plans.

Unable to stop his eager fingers from tapping on the outpost, he brought up the basic specs to peruse. It was one of the colony's major bases outside the protection of the gates – a security-staffed, security-led safe spot in the jungle, ideal for any far-reaching scientific surveys to stop off at.

He scrolled down until he found the names of the outpost's personnel, frowning when he saw a familiar name. Apparently the outpost was run by one Colonel M Taylor.

He'd only been in the colony a few months, but knew well enough that there were plenty of families here with the same surname who were completely unrelated to one another. Yet something nagged at the back of Jim's mind, something he might have heard... might have seen somewhere in the past.

"Reilly?" He called to the woman he knew to be just outside the door, keeping watch.

She poked her head inside the door. "Yes sir?"

Jim gestured for her to join him. "Outpost nine, run by a Colonel M Taylor. Know anything about that?" Reilly looked a little uncertain, something that only enforced his desire to uncover the truth. "I could order you to tell me, Corporal."

"I do know about outpost nine, yes sir." Reilly responded.

Jim grinned at her polite vagueness. "This Colonel Taylor. Any relation?"

"Miles Taylor, sir. The Commander's brother."

Jim collapsed back into his chair. That was unexpected. "I didn't know he _had_ a brother. How come I've never met him?"

"Colonel Taylor comes back to the colony every six months or so, sir. The last time he visited was just before the Tenth Pilgrimage."

Jim nodded. Sounded reasonable enough. Reasonable enough that Reilly shouldn't be looking as uncomfortable as she did. "Anything else I should know Reilly?"

"No. Sir." She said tightly, not meeting his gaze.

"Okay, Corporal, dismissed." He said, trying not to laugh at her relief. Just as she was by the door, something niggling his mind dropped into place. "Say, Reilly? Is that why Wash was sent to head up a simple routine survey?"

Reilly's measured footfalls faltered as she came to a stop. "Not my place to say, sir."

Jim grinned, tapping his fingers on the glass desk. "I thought there was something between her and the Commander...?"

Reilly turned, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else. "I do believe there is sir, though it's none of my business."

"And her and Colonel Taylor?"

Reilly nodded her head the tiniest amount. "If you believe scuttlebutt, sir."

"Which no one in their right mind would, right Reilly?" He smiled at the younger woman as she got his suggestion, knew he wouldn't single her out as the source of his knowledge and her face brightened once more.

"No sir. May I get back to my duties now, sir?"

"Of course, Corporal, thank you for indulging me." Jim grinned winningly, spotted her rolling her eyes as she turned and decided against mentioning it. She was well within her rights to do so.

So. Wash, the Commander and the Colonel. Jim laughed. What a piece of information to have; that revelation had brightened his morning entirely. Not that he intended to use it, of course.

... But it would no doubt be useful, none the less.


End file.
